Monday, February 27, 2012

Feeling Torn

Have you ever prayed for something....begged God to do a work, only to have that thought in the back of your head that you don't really want it?  Don't jump to conclusions here....hear me out.  I'm just sharing my heart.....

We have been praying for God to move our family into a new ministry for a long time.  The transition from our former church was difficult and tear-filled.  In fact, if I think about it too much I still find myself getting teary-eyed and wistful.  Every time "our" teens come for a visit, I stand at the door and watch them leave and my heart aches all over again.  There will always be a soft spot for those kids.

While we wait, we started attending and joined Maranatha.  I begged God for wisdom as we transitioned the boys and worked to get adjusted.  It seemed like it took so long for them to come to grips with our "new" church.  In fact, they still make the distinction between our "new" church and our "old" church.

The problem I have is this:  we worked hard to adjust.  We got involved and as a result, have grown to love our new church family.  This is great, right?  Yes, except for the fact that we are still praying for God to move us into a new vocational ministry.  That's where my dilemma is...I want to be where I am, yet I want to know where we're going.  I want to stay, but I'm so ready to go.

Lest you think all I ever do is ramble (well, in truth I guess I do) please understand that during this process I have tried so. very. hard. to be patient and content with each step of the process.  I don't want to jump the gun.  I don't want to get ahead of God.  I don't want to be my normal control-freak self that has to know everything that is going on and have it all planned ahead of time.

You've probably heard the phrase, "Bloom where you're planted."  That's my problem....I feel like we're still in the little plastic greenhouse.  It's warm and cozy, but it's only temporary.  I don't know when the greenhouse will be replaced with a a more permanent place for our family.  I LOVE the greenhouse.  Leaving it will be so very hard....but I know God has a plan.  I know that when He moves us we will love that place, too.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Be Careful What You Wish For

I'm a mom of 3 active little boys, and there have been days (many, many days) when I longed for a vacation or break.  Many days I thought, "It would be so nice to climb on the couch and do nothing for few days and just relax."

I take it back.

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks.  Initially I thought is was just a bad cold with a cough....only I wasn't getting better.  So I finally went to the doctor and found out that I was battling pneumonia.  Well, that explains a lot.

So, I've been on the couch for days.  Most times, the codeine (love that stuff...mostly) makes it hard to concentrate on even the simplest material, so I've not been able to read.  Yesterday I tried to help with the laundry and dishes....and ended up feeling pretty miserable.  Today I stayed home from church (again) and am really missing my church family!

I haven't played with my kids or done much of anything to care for my family.  Joel has done most of the cooking and we've all eaten our fair share of peanut butter sandwiches this week.  My house is a wreck.  I'm not whining, just telling you that sitting on the couch and doing nothing is fun for an hour or two..but it gets boring really fast!  I can't wait to feel good enough to be up and around without losing my breath or getting dizzy.

So if you're reading this, please pray that the antibiotics do their job and that I can get to feeling somewhat normal soon.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Health Insurance Frustrations

So, last year we had to switch from group health insurance coverage to individual health insurance coverage.  I was surprised at the cost (more than $500 a month, just for Joel and I) and even more surprised when after 2 doctors visits nothing was covered.  Really?  Okay...a routine physical is covered, but nothing else.  So we paid over 6000 for insurance so that our prescriptions would be cheaper.  Makes a lot of sense, right?  When I did our taxes, I calculated that between premiums and office visits/labwork/prescriptions we paid more than 8,000 out of pocket for health care last year for 2 of us...and we are relatively healthy individuals.

In January we changed plans within the Blue Cross system.  We read, and read and RE-READ through the plan specifications and decided that we would go with a higher deductible and lower monthly costs.  Office copays were a lower percentage, too and it looked like 80% of most things were covered in network.  What we did not realize (did I tell you that we read the plan, a lot) is that NOTHING is covered (no prescriptions, no doctors visits if you're sick, none of the "covered" things) until the deductible is met.  Also, there is an integrated deductible, which means that prescriptions and office visits are combined to meet the deductible, but the combined deductible for the plan must be met before covered services are paid. That means we have to pay $10,000 out of pocket (PLUS our premiums) before they will even cover a simple prescription or office visit. The wording on these plans is so tricky and we missed this detail.

Sigh.

So, yesterday I went to see my endocrinologist and he changed my thyroid meds.  This morning I went to pick up the meds only to find that they aren't covered.....and my visit yesterday won't be covered.....and my blood work won't be covered.....THIS IS JUST WRONG.  We considered going without insurance, but prices are different for those with/without insurance.  The system is so messed up.

I've come to the conclusion that  unless you have group coverage you have to pay several thousand dollars a year before you can get sick or worse, need surgery.  This is ridiculous.  What's worse is that I KNOW better plans exist.  When we were at Macomb, we had great insurance with BCBS.  As individuals, we CANNOT purchase the same coverage.  It doesn't exist as an option.

Thankfully, we are being added to group coverage at Joel's work in April.  Amazingly....the coverage is much like what we had at Macomb...only even better.

I'm writing this not to assert that we need a federal health insurance program.  What I do think is that I should be able to pay for the kind of coverage that companies are offered.  As an individual, I cannot even access that kind of plan.  Even if we picked the BEST plan with the BEST coverage, it still pales in comparison to a group plan.

I can't wait til April.....