Have you ever prayed for something....begged God to do a work, only to have that thought in the back of your head that you don't really want it? Don't jump to conclusions here....hear me out. I'm just sharing my heart.....
We have been praying for God to move our family into a new ministry for a long time. The transition from our former church was difficult and tear-filled. In fact, if I think about it too much I still find myself getting teary-eyed and wistful. Every time "our" teens come for a visit, I stand at the door and watch them leave and my heart aches all over again. There will always be a soft spot for those kids.
While we wait, we started attending and joined Maranatha. I begged God for wisdom as we transitioned the boys and worked to get adjusted. It seemed like it took so long for them to come to grips with our "new" church. In fact, they still make the distinction between our "new" church and our "old" church.
The problem I have is this: we worked hard to adjust. We got involved and as a result, have grown to love our new church family. This is great, right? Yes, except for the fact that we are still praying for God to move us into a new vocational ministry. That's where my dilemma is...I want to be where I am, yet I want to know where we're going. I want to stay, but I'm so ready to go.
Lest you think all I ever do is ramble (well, in truth I guess I do) please understand that during this process I have tried so. very. hard. to be patient and content with each step of the process. I don't want to jump the gun. I don't want to get ahead of God. I don't want to be my normal control-freak self that has to know everything that is going on and have it all planned ahead of time.
You've probably heard the phrase, "Bloom where you're planted." That's my problem....I feel like we're still in the little plastic greenhouse. It's warm and cozy, but it's only temporary. I don't know when the greenhouse will be replaced with a a more permanent place for our family. I LOVE the greenhouse. Leaving it will be so very hard....but I know God has a plan. I know that when He moves us we will love that place, too.